If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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