I just made out with a guy for $7.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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