Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
