Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
