You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
