your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
