Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
