We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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