i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
high people should be assigned attendants
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
