New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
