He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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