allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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