God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
