so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
