I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
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GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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