Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
