She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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