I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
