Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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