East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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