Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
