Sry I called you an 8
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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