wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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