It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize