I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
