In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
