Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
