Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize