I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
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