Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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