And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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