Can Purell be used as lube?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
