That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
