Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
