If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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