New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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