whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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