Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
