haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
