im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
