tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
