Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
