So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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