I hate all girls vehemently.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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