I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he puts the penis in happiness.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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