you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
