i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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