I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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