What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
