forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
