i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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