i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
