1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
