at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
