That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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