Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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