I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
