i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
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Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
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Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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