too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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