maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
