I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
