I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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