this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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