May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
