Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
